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About Christus Rex (Defence)

1 Corinthians 11:1 Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ

The Malibu Messiah

Scene: Some random dude at a packed party casually offers Charlie Sheen a jar of Crisco. The room goes quiet for half a second… then Charlie explodes.

Charlie snatches the tub like it’s the Ark of the Covenant, eyes bulging, tiger blood on full blast.

Charlie Sheen (completely unhinged, voice raw and manic): “CRISCO?! You just handed me the elixir of the gods, you beautiful bastard! This isn’t cooking grease — this is pure concentrated winning! Roman emperors bathed in this! I’m talking full-body anointing, baby!

I’m gonna lather up, streak through downtown Vancouver, and the helicopters won’t be chasing me… they’ll be escorting the new messiah! Adonis DNA meets Crisco — we’re talking immortality, people!

This is the key! This is the portal! Two and a half men? Try two and a half gallons of slippery salvation!

I’M THE WARLOCK! I’M THE TIGER! I’M—”

The crowd (loud, overlapping, half-amused, half-annoyed): “You are not the messiah.”

Charlie freezes mid-rant, Crisco already smeared across his forehead like war paint. He slowly turns to the crowd, grinning like a lunatic.

Charlie Sheen (even louder, doubling down): “NOT the messiah?! Wrong! I am the messiah of this greasy gospel! Watch me turn this Crisco into water… or better yet, into victory oil!

You’re all just jealous because you don’t have the glands for it!”

He scoops out a massive handful and starts rubbing it on his chest like it’s holy oil.

The crowd (louder, more rhythmic, clearly trolling him now): “You are not the messiah… You are not the messiah…”

Charlie Sheen (screaming over them, arms flailing, Crisco flying everywhere): “I AM THE MESSIAH OF CRISCO! I AM THE CHOSEN ONE OF SLICK! DENY ME ALL YOU WANT — THE TIGER BLOOD KNOWS THE TRUTH!

Vancouver’s about to get baptized… in shortening!”

He pops the lid fully off, holds the jar high like a trophy, and starts charging through the crowd while the entire room chants louder:

Crowd (chanting in unison, laughing): “You are not the messiah! You are not the messiah!”

Charlie just cackles wildly, covered in Crisco, yelling back:

Charlie: “Keep chanting, peasants! The messiah doesn’t need your approval… he just needs more Crisco!”

Selena Gomez: Paid Programming

Christus Rex talks to Jeffrey Epstein and Benny Blanco about Selena Gomez MK – Ultra programming. Christ asks Benny why he hates Al Pacino and if Selena Gomez is going to wash his feet with her tears for a cloned kidney?

Benny Blanco then love bombs Selena Gomez until she washes his feet with her tears. Blanco proclaims himself the Jewish messiah afterwards.

You gotta love PAID PROGRAMMING!!!

Scene: A ridiculously over-the-top candlelit studio filled with roses, stuffed animals, and heart-shaped balloons. Selena walks in, confused. Benny and Goofy are waiting like they rehearsed this moment all day.

Selena:
Why does this place look like Valentine’s Day exploded?

Benny Blanco:
Selena… Selena… Selena! The moon is jealous of you. The stars? They’re just your backup dancers. I wrote twelve songs about your smile before breakfast!

Goofy:
Gawrsh, Selena! Hyuck! I wrote ya a poem on a pizza box!

Selena:
You wrote… a poem?

Goofy (reading dramatically):
“Roses are red,
Hot dogs are yummy,
If love were spaghetti,
You’d fill up my tummy! Hyuck!”

Selena:
That… is the strangest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Benny Blanco:
No, no, wait! That’s just the beginning. I bought you 10,000 roses. Also a llama. The llama loves you too.

Selena:
There’s a llama outside?

Goofy:
Yep! Named him Selenny! Hyuck!

Selena:
You named a llama after me?

Benny Blanco (dramatically):
Selena, you don’t understand. Every melody in the universe bends toward you. The sun rises because it knows you might be awake.

Goofy:
And when you blink, angels get promoted! Hyuck!

Selena:
You two practiced this, didn’t you?

Benny Blanco:
Of course we did! Because appreciation must be rehearsed! Here, I made a slideshow of 400 reasons why you’re perfect.

Selena:
Four hundred?!

Goofy:
Number one: ya got nice hair!
Number two: ya got… also nice hair!
Number three: ya got… different nice hair!

Selena:
This is getting weird.

Benny Blanco (dropping to one knee for no clear reason):
Selena, you are the greatest artist, the brightest star, the most legendary—

Goofy (interrupting):
—and the best karaoke partner this side of Disneyland!

Selena:
I don’t even sing karaoke with people.

Goofy:
You will with US! Hyuck!

Benny Blanco:
Selena, look around. The candles, the roses, the llama, Goofy’s poem—this is just the beginning.

Selena:
The beginning of what?

Goofy and Benny (together):
APPRECIATION!

Selena (sighing):
I feel like I just walked into the strangest boy band in history.

Goofy:
Hyuck! Wait till ya see the dance routine!

The Pinky Protocol

The Pinky and the Brain episode “The Pinky Protocol” (Season 3, Episode 10, aired 1997) is a standout installment famous for its sharp political satire and a memorable guest star: famed conspiracy-theorist filmmaker Oliver Stone.

Here’s a breakdown of the episode and why it’s so notable:

Plot Summary

The Brain’s latest plan to take over the world involves manipulating the public’s belief in conspiracy theories. He invents “The Pinky Protocol,” a device that implants a ridiculous, harmless conspiracy (“The world is run by giant, man-eating guinea pigs”) into Pinky’s mind. Brain then hires Oliver Stone to make a movie about Pinky’s “delusion,” expecting the film to be so widely ridiculed that it will discredit the very concept of conspiracy theories. His ultimate goal: to make the world stop looking for secret plots, thereby allowing him to execute his real takeover undetected.

However, the plan backfires spectacularly. Stone’s film, The Pinky Protocol, is a massive hit—but not as a comedy. The public sees it as a chilling documentary and believes the guinea pig conspiracy entirely. Brain becomes a fugitive from the very paranoid society he created, hunted by a mob convinced he’s a giant guinea pig in disguise.

Why the Episode is Iconic

  1. Perfectly Cast Guest Star: Oliver Stone was the ideal choice. In the 1990s, Stone was synonymous with controversial, conspiracy-tinged films like JFKNixon, and Natural Born Killers. The episode brilliantly plays with his public persona. The animated Stone is portrayed as intensely passionate, seeing “truth” in Pinky’s babbling, and utterly unconcerned with the consequences of his art. His line, “I don’t make movies, Pinky. I forge realities!” is a perfect parody of his perceived self-seriousness.
  2. Satirical Layers: The episode works on multiple levels:
    • Satire of Oliver Stone: It pokes fun at his methods and reputation for finding grand conspiracies everywhere.
    • Satire of Media and the Public: It critiques how media (especially sensational filmmaking) can shape public belief, regardless of facts. The public’s quick descent into mass hysteria is a classic Pinky and the Brain theme.
    • Satire of Brain’s Own Arrogance: As always, Brain’s plan is intellectually clever but fails due to his miscalculation of human nature (and Pinky’s weird charm). He assumes ridicule will follow, not credulity.
  3. The Role Reversal: The climax features a fantastic twist. To escape the mob, Brain is forced to don a ridiculous guinea pig costume—the very thing he invented as a tool of ridicule. He becomes the living embodiment of the fiction he created, a perfect poetic punishment.
  4. Sharp Writing: The script is filled with witty, rapid-fire dialogue. Stone’s dramatic pronouncements contrast hilariously with Pinky’s nonsense and Brain’s exasperated scheming. The concept is a high-water mark for the show’s brand of intelligent, pop-culture-savvy humor.

Cultural Context

Airing in the post-JFK, post-Cold War 1990s, the episode tapped into a zeitgeist where conspiracy theories were moving from fringe to mainstream popular culture (thanks in part to films like Stone’s and shows like The X-Files). “The Pinky Protocol” cleverly argued that the desire to believe in a hidden order (even a ludicrous one) is often stronger than rational skepticism.

In summary, “The Pinky Protocol” is more than just a guest-star vehicle. It’s a brilliantly executed satire that uses Oliver Stone’s persona to explore themes of media manipulation, public paranoia, and the eternal failure of a megalomaniacal mouse’s over-engineered plans. It remains a fan favorite and one of the smartest episodes of the series.