Christus Rex talks to Jeffrey Epstein and Benny Blanco about Selena Gomez MK – Ultra programming. Christ asks Benny why he hates Al Pacino and if Selena Gomez is going to wash his feet with her tears for a cloned kidney?

Benny Blanco then love bombs Selena Gomez until she washes his feet with her tears. Blanco proclaims himself the Jewish messiah afterwards.

You gotta love PAID PROGRAMMING!!!

Scene: A ridiculously over-the-top candlelit studio filled with roses, stuffed animals, and heart-shaped balloons. Selena walks in, confused. Benny and Goofy are waiting like they rehearsed this moment all day.

Selena:
Why does this place look like Valentine’s Day exploded?

Benny Blanco:
Selena… Selena… Selena! The moon is jealous of you. The stars? They’re just your backup dancers. I wrote twelve songs about your smile before breakfast!

Goofy:
Gawrsh, Selena! Hyuck! I wrote ya a poem on a pizza box!

Selena:
You wrote… a poem?

Goofy (reading dramatically):
“Roses are red,
Hot dogs are yummy,
If love were spaghetti,
You’d fill up my tummy! Hyuck!”

Selena:
That… is the strangest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Benny Blanco:
No, no, wait! That’s just the beginning. I bought you 10,000 roses. Also a llama. The llama loves you too.

Selena:
There’s a llama outside?

Goofy:
Yep! Named him Selenny! Hyuck!

Selena:
You named a llama after me?

Benny Blanco (dramatically):
Selena, you don’t understand. Every melody in the universe bends toward you. The sun rises because it knows you might be awake.

Goofy:
And when you blink, angels get promoted! Hyuck!

Selena:
You two practiced this, didn’t you?

Benny Blanco:
Of course we did! Because appreciation must be rehearsed! Here, I made a slideshow of 400 reasons why you’re perfect.

Selena:
Four hundred?!

Goofy:
Number one: ya got nice hair!
Number two: ya got… also nice hair!
Number three: ya got… different nice hair!

Selena:
This is getting weird.

Benny Blanco (dropping to one knee for no clear reason):
Selena, you are the greatest artist, the brightest star, the most legendary—

Goofy (interrupting):
—and the best karaoke partner this side of Disneyland!

Selena:
I don’t even sing karaoke with people.

Goofy:
You will with US! Hyuck!

Benny Blanco:
Selena, look around. The candles, the roses, the llama, Goofy’s poem—this is just the beginning.

Selena:
The beginning of what?

Goofy and Benny (together):
APPRECIATION!

Selena (sighing):
I feel like I just walked into the strangest boy band in history.

Goofy:
Hyuck! Wait till ya see the dance routine!