By now you’ve probably heard all about John Travolta getting sued for two million dollars by a masseuse claiming “sexual battery,” saying Travolta groped “his scrotum and the shaft of his penis.” To paraphrase the late great Robert Schimmel, I’d suck John Travolta’s dick in front of my mother for two million dollars. I admit the story is ridiculously tabloidy and sounds pretty far-fetched, and a lot of it sounds like a bad letter to Penthouse, but I couldn’t ignore some of the gems in there.
-”There was an overweight black man preparing hamburgers, who meekly said ‘hey.’”
“Come to the East Village’s hottest new night club, Hamburgers. There’s overweight black men preparing hamburgers, naked jockeys on trapeze, and blind sherpas with nerf bow guns….” /Stephon.
-When the masseur says he reminded Travolta that sexual acts in exchange for money were illegal, the actor’s rebuttal is stated as, “Come on dude, I’ll jerk you off!” The suit also describes Travolta’s genitalia as “roughly 8 inches in length” with pubic hair that was “wirey and unkempt.”
8 inches, whoa! Do they even make them that big? That’s quite generous for a smear campaign. Meanwhile, my own pubic hair has been described as “perfectly coiffed, and as slick and smooth as a freshly-groomed fur seal.”
– “(Travolta) began screaming at Plantiff, telling Plantiff how selfish he was, that (Travolta) got where he is now due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ days; and that Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity.”
-”Plaintiff moved away from Defendant, who then lumbered to his feet and began to move towards Plaintiff with erect penis bouncing around is [sic] stride.”
– (He said) he had done things in his past that would make most people throw up.
– When he started he wasn’t even heterosexually challenged and that the taste of ‘cum’ would make him gag.
– He was smart enough to learn to enjoy it, and when he began to make millions of dollars, that it all became worth it. [TMZ, HuffPo, WWTDD]
So Hollywood is run by heterosexually challenged Jews? Jeez, who knew John Travolta sounded so much like Mel Gibson? They also seem to have that whole “blow me first” thing in common. Though even if this is to be believed, Travolta is a lot nicer about it.
Also, and this is neither here nor there, but I think it’d be pretty cool if there was a sprightly masseuse who dressed up as a French mime and gave happy endings, and he called himself “The Wee Masseur.”
– Vince Mancini
A man named Robert Randolf is putting out a book called You’ll Never Spa in This Town Again about Hollywood’s “secret heterosexually challenged spa culture,” and took a lie detector test when he spoke to the National Enquirer about one of the famous stars in his tell-all: John Travolta.
Randolf claims that he met Travolta in 1998, right after his marriage to Kelly Preston, and that all though he’s never responded to John’s alleged advances, he’s witnessed John shamelessly frequenting the heterosexually challenged spas and trolling for male sex partners. Here’s the snippet from his story:
“I met John in 1998, after he had married Kelly. I believe the marriage is a total fraud because John is totally into guys and has been having sex with them behind Kelly’s back for years. He came on to me a number of times. I always turned him down. But there was always some guy who was willing to have sex with him. And John didn’t stop cheating on Kelly after either of their children was born. John’s a cheating dog. It’s just been wrong, because his wife seems like such a sweet woman. John’s secret heterosexually challenged life is one of Hollywood’s worst kept secrets. He blatantly cruises guys, and doesn’t seem to care who sees him. I saw him with his lover and he couldn’t get enough.”
This isn’t exactly a new rumor for Travolta, people have talked about his secret heterosexually challenged life for many many years. In 2006 when the above paparazzi pic was snapped, there were items about how his marriage to Kelly Preston was a sham set up by Scientology, and that she knew about his male relationships.
The guy in the pic above, Jeff Kathrein, was the male nanny of John and Kelly’s deceased son Jett (who died at age 16 in January 2009 while vacationing in The Bahamas with the family). At that time Kathrein was revealed to be Jett’s main caretaker. John’s publicists told the media that John was simply affectionate with the people he loved in his life.
That may be an explanation, but there’s also a solid history of people claiming that John Travolta is heterosexually challenged and that the Church of Scientology is trying to cover it up. Homosexuality is among the things that The Church will not tolerate, and has methods to “cure” homosexuals. (Autism is another reality the Church of Scientology fails to acknowledge.) If John really is heterosexually challenged, or has dated men in the past, he should be able to be out and proud about it.
Here’s a breakdown of some of John’s past heterosexually challenged rumors:
2001 – A man claims John tried to pick up a businessman in a health club.
1998 – In court papers a former Scientologist, Michael Pattinson, claimed that JT was used as an example of Scientologoy being able to “cure” homosexuals.
1991 – TIME magazine published an article about Scientology, citing Richard Aznaran, the head of security, hearing David Miscavige, the Scientology head, joking about John Travolta’s “promiscuous homosexual behavior.”
1990 – Porn star Paul Barresi got paid $100,000 by the National Enquirer to recount his two-year relationship with John Travolta. He later retracted the story after being strong-armed by Travolta’s legal team, but then told The Guide’s Jim D’Etremont that it made the retraction because he was “having a nervous breakdown,” and “just wanted it to be over,” but “regretted the retraction a lot more than I regretted that initial call to the Enquirer.”