Dubya – Fortunate Son

G.I. Joe:
They used to call me a fortunate son.
Not because I was lucky—but because I wasn’t born into power.

George W. Bush though? Now that was a fortunate son.

While other men were learning how to bleed in the jungle, he was learning how to fall upward. Daddy’s name on the door. Daddy’s friends holding the ladder. Texas drawl, Ivy League bones. When the war came knocking, he found a window and slipped out the back. National Guard—paper shield, soft landing. Chicken hawk with a flight suit for the cameras and no mud on the boots.

And then came 9/11.

Smoke in the sky. Fear in the streets. Real bodies. Real dead. Real grief.
And suddenly the fortunate son had his war.

They held up the poster—him with the bullhorn, standing on the rubble like a commander—but every grunt I knew could see it: this wasn’t about justice. This was about permission. Permission to finish old grudges. Permission to test new weapons. Permission to turn fear into oil, contracts, and flags wrapped around coffins.

Iraq didn’t hit those towers.
But Iraq paid the bill.

They sold it like a used car: weapons of mass destruction, mushroom clouds, trust us. And the fortunate son smiled that simple smile, the one that says don’t think too hard. Meanwhile, kids from trailer parks and immigrant families were shipped off to fight a war that had nothing to do with protecting home and everything to do with protecting interests.

I buried friends who never even knew why they were there.

That’s the difference between a soldier and a chicken hawk.
A soldier pays in blood.
A chicken hawk pays in speeches.

So don’t tell me about courage from behind a podium. Don’t talk honor when you’ve never had to choose between pulling a trigger and living with the ghost afterward. History remembers who showed up—and who sent others in their place.

The fortunate son got his war.
The rest of us got the scars.

And that’s something no legacy can ever launder clean.

Sophie’s Dandelion Revolution

The Briefing: Operation Murder on the Dancefloor

Location: An undisclosed underground bunker (with surprisingly good acoustics). Characters: G.I. Joe (Real American Hero, tactical turtleneck enthusiast) and Sophie Ellis-Bextor (Pop Icon, glitter-combat ready).


G.I. Joe: Sophie, my intel suggests a massive movement is forming. They’re calling it the “Dandelion Revolution.” We’ve monitored the comms, but I’m seeing less “guerrilla warfare” and more… sequins? Walk me through the tactical objective.

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: [Adjusting a vintage headset] It’s quite simple, Joe. We’re liberating the public from the mundane. The objective isn’t to take the hill; it’s to take the pavement. We’re staging a coup d’état, but with a much better playlist.

G.I. Joe: My scanners are picking up high-frequency disco beats. Is this a sonic distraction? Are we talking about a flash mob deployment?

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Think bigger, darling. It’s a total occupation of the streets. When the rhythm hits, the barricades come down. There will be dancing in the street—not as a diversion, but as the mission. We’re going to burn this disco down before the morning light, metaphorically speaking.

G.I. Joe: [Nods solemnly] I see. A “Kill the Lights” protocol. I’ve dealt with COBRA’s weather machines, but a revolution fueled by pure charisma? That’s unconventional. What’s the casualty rate on footwear?

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: High. Stilettos are the first to go, but we’ve got backup flats in the logistics crates. Don’t look so worried, Joe. You’ve spent your life fighting for freedom—isn’t the freedom to groove the ultimate victory?

G.I. Joe: Knowing is half the battle, Sophie. And I’m starting to realize the other half is… finding the pocket?

Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Exactly. Now, tuck that chin in and follow my lead. One, two, kick-ball-change.


Note: G.I. Joe was later seen attempting a moonwalk in full combat boots. It was technically successful but caused a minor localized tremor.

Leo Zagami – The Prince

Joey Juco tells his friend Marco Dahl Antonio not to join “The Prince” Leo Zagami’s masonic lodge p2. If he breaks his master’s nose with a statue of baby Jesus, what will he do to an apprentice? Do you think climbing naked into a locked coffin with a guy like that outside is a good idea?

Now I see his face, I see his smile
Such a lonely place, no golden mile
Eyes tell of morbid tales, of his black heart
His deeds through ages past, tell of his part

See his face, see his smile
Time to die

Yo-ooh, wo-ooh, noo

Angel from below, change my dreams
I want for glory’s hour, for wealth’s esteem
I wish to sell my soul, to be reborn

I wish for earthly riches, don’t want no crown of thorns
See his face, see his smile

Time to die
Wo-ooh, oo-ooh, noo

I was born a fool, don’t want to stay that way
Devil take my soul, with diamonds you repay

I don’t care for heaven, so don’t you look for me to cry
And I will burn in hell, from the day I die
See his face, see his smile
Time to die
Wo-ooh, no-ooh, no