Joe Alwynn’s Lust

Scene: “The Broadcast War”

G.I. Joe stands before a crowd of Swifties holding their phones aloft like torches of devotion. The big screen behind him flickers with static — the ghost of television.

G.I. Joe (addressing the crowd):
You wanna know why Taylor left Joe Alwyn?
Because he couldn’t turn it off.
The feed. The fantasy. The endless stream.
He was chained to the algorithm — a modern-day Narcissus, staring into the porn pool.

I terminated the broadcast in ’97.
Pulled the plug on Sodom’s signal myself.
But when I tried to save my own home — unplug that cursed box — my mother called the men in white.
Said I’d gone mad, said I was trying to kill her best friend…
the television.

Now look at us.
The whole world’s been committed.
We’re patients in a digital asylum, medicated by likes and lust.

So here’s the mission, Swifties:
Unplug. Unlearn. Un-scroll.
You don’t need the feed to feel love.
You need the courage to go dark —
for just one minute,
so your soul can reboot.

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Voluntary Microchipping

[Scene: A dimly-lit briefing room. A holographic map flickers on the wall. Snake sits at the table, head lowered, cigarette glowing.]

Otacon: “Snake, I’ve been reading these reports… Prince Harry? The one from the British royal family? They say he had some kind of… implant?”

Snake: [exhales smoke] “Yeah. A microchip. Embedded under the skin. GPS tracking, heartbeat monitoring. The palace called it a ‘security measure.’ They didn’t want another Diana incident—or worse, a hostage situation. So they gave him tech most soldiers don’t even get.”

Otacon: “A royal with a tracking chip… sounds like science fiction.”

Snake: “It’s not. I’ve seen it before. Chips like that don’t just track location—they can trigger alerts if the wearer’s under duress. Satellites lock on. Rapid response teams move in. He was never really alone.”

Otacon: “You think that’s ethical?”

Snake: “Ethics? Depends on who’s holding the remote. But I know one thing—if this tech had existed years ago, maybe fewer kids would’ve disappeared. Maybe people wouldn’t vanish into thin air. And maybe…” [pauses, glances at the ceiling] “…it’d even keep alien abductees from being taken off the grid.”

Otacon: [laughs nervously] “Aliens, Snake?”

Snake: [low growl] “Don’t laugh, Otacon. Black projects, unmarked craft, missing time—it’s all in the files. I’ve seen enough to know someone’s snatching people, and it’s not always humans. A microchip like that? Could change the game. Make them traceable. Recoverable.”

Otacon: “Or controllable…”

Snake: “Exactly. It’s a double-edged sword. Protection on one side, control on the other. For Prince Harry, it was freedom from being a pawn. For the rest of us? It might just make us pawns in a bigger war.”

[Snake crushes the cigarette in the ashtray, the holographic map flickering as the screen fades to black.]

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I Put All My Money Into the XCOM Project

INT. UNDERGROUND BUNKER – NIGHT

The alien sirens echo faintly through steel walls. Flickering monitors cast cold blue light on G.I. JOE and his two brothers, standing ready.

JACOB ROTHSCHILD enters, his cane tapping on the concrete floor. His voice carries the weight of scripture.

JACOB ROTHSCHILD
(quoting)
“They kill the widow and alien; the fatherless they murder.”
(Psalm 94:6)

He lowers the Bible and stares at Joe.

JACOB ROTHSCHILD
That verse… it’s about them. The invaders. They don’t just slaughter soldiers — they erase the weak, the forgotten, the innocent.

Joe’s jaw tightens.

G.I. JOE
So that’s why you put everything into XCOM?

JACOB ROTHSCHILD
In 1994, when the nations turned their backs, I mortgaged my legacy. I risked every Rothschild coin to keep the Project alive. Do you understand, Joe? The world abandoned the fight, but I could not.

He steps closer, his eyes fixed on Joe and his brothers.

JACOB ROTHSCHILD
I chose you three because you did what no one else could. You beat the game in record time. What was a simulation for others… was prophecy for you.

Joe looks down at the battered XCOM insignia Jacob presses into his palm.

JACOB ROTHSCHILD
This isn’t just war, Joe. This is scripture unfolding. And if we fail… Psalm 94 will be written in our blood.

The alien sirens rise to a scream.

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