Author Archives: Pastor Richards

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About Pastor Richards

Pastor Richards is a televangelist from Mars, Alabama, who promises salvation to all those who pay him very large donations.

This Month’s Sign of the Apocalypse

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Blood Red Sludge

Posted by Diana Newby on Sunday, October 10, 2010 11:55 pm

After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth.

Hungary’s major national disaster was by far the most disturbing thing to register on our radar over the last few days. If you’re not in the know, here’s what’s up: a week ago tomorrow, a reservoir filled with poisonous waste — an unfortunate byproduct of alumina refining (which seriously sounds like a mediocre superhero movie plot device) — broke loose upon several villages.

At least seven people are dead and 150 injured in the wake of 180 million gallons of the sludge, which has made its way into the multiple rivers and contaminated thousands of acres of agricultural soil that can never be utilized again. Many of the injuries are due to chemical burns, as the waste is comprised in large part of alkaline and thus incredibly caustic. The current and future environmental damage is staggering to conceive.

Which makes it totally horrifying that the whole thing might happen all over again. The Hungarian environment minister is now calling the collapse of the reservoir’s north wall “inevitable” after a 25-meter crack appeared in the days following the original spill. Efforts to build dams and widen the dyke are underway; in the meantime, at least one town has evacuated and another is prepared to do so. Those villages already flooded are, of course, completely destroyed.

But wait — there’s more.

Environmentalists said high levels of arsenic and mercury, which can cause cancer, had been found in water polluted by the ooze and that, if airborne, this could enter the human respiratory system.

So … to recap: Sludge. More sludge. Dead and chemically burned Hungarians. Polluted rivers. Cancer cloud. And no one’s accepting the blame.

Buhhh.

– Diana Newby

Gulf Oil Spill is Red

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Gulf Oil Spill Red

Rev 16:3. Then the second angel poured out his bowl on the sea, and it became like the blood of a corpse. And everything in the sea died.

Fisherman Tom Young from Plaquemines Parish, Louisiana summed up the thinking down in the Gulf. ” I was just sitting here thinking our way of life is over. It’s the end, the apocalypse, and no one outside of these few parishes really cares. They say they do, but they do nothing but talk”, said Young.

The crude oil is red largely from the highly toxic Corexit used to disperse the oil and keep it on the bottom of the ocean where BP won’t have to pay for clean up.

Euphrates River Dries Up

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Euphrates Dries Up

NYT caption: “A boy rested on the mud in a dried-up section of the Euphrates River near Jubaish, Iraq, in June.”

The front page of Tuesday morning’s New York Times had a stunning headline: “Iraq Suffers as the Euphrates River Dwindles.”

The drying up of this historic river in the land of ancient Babylon is so stunning, that even the Times had to note that Bible prophecy says this will happen in the “last days” of history, in the lead up to the apocalyptic battle of Armageddon described in the Book of Revelation.

Excerpts from the Times story: “Throughout the marshes, the reed gatherers, standing on land they once floated over, cry out to visitors in a passing boat. ‘Maaku mai!’ they shout, holding up their rusty sickles. ‘There is no water!’ The Euphrates is drying up. Strangled by the water policies of Iraq’s neighbors, Turkey and Syria; a two-year drought; and years of misuse by Iraq and its farmers, the river is significantly smaller than it was just a few years ago. Some officials worry that it could soon be half of what it is now. The shrinking of the Euphrates, a river so crucial to the birth of civilization that the Book of Revelation prophesied its drying up as a sign of the end times, has decimated farms along its banks, has left fishermen impoverished and has depleted riverside towns as farmers flee to the cities looking for work.”