The Briefing: Operation Murder on the Dancefloor
Location: An undisclosed underground bunker (with surprisingly good acoustics). Characters: G.I. Joe (Real American Hero, tactical turtleneck enthusiast) and Sophie Ellis-Bextor (Pop Icon, glitter-combat ready).
G.I. Joe: Sophie, my intel suggests a massive movement is forming. They’re calling it the “Dandelion Revolution.” We’ve monitored the comms, but I’m seeing less “guerrilla warfare” and more… sequins? Walk me through the tactical objective.
Sophie Ellis-Bextor: [Adjusting a vintage headset] It’s quite simple, Joe. We’re liberating the public from the mundane. The objective isn’t to take the hill; it’s to take the pavement. We’re staging a coup d’état, but with a much better playlist.
G.I. Joe: My scanners are picking up high-frequency disco beats. Is this a sonic distraction? Are we talking about a flash mob deployment?
Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Think bigger, darling. It’s a total occupation of the streets. When the rhythm hits, the barricades come down. There will be dancing in the street—not as a diversion, but as the mission. We’re going to burn this disco down before the morning light, metaphorically speaking.
G.I. Joe: [Nods solemnly] I see. A “Kill the Lights” protocol. I’ve dealt with COBRA’s weather machines, but a revolution fueled by pure charisma? That’s unconventional. What’s the casualty rate on footwear?
Sophie Ellis-Bextor: High. Stilettos are the first to go, but we’ve got backup flats in the logistics crates. Don’t look so worried, Joe. You’ve spent your life fighting for freedom—isn’t the freedom to groove the ultimate victory?
G.I. Joe: Knowing is half the battle, Sophie. And I’m starting to realize the other half is… finding the pocket?
Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Exactly. Now, tuck that chin in and follow my lead. One, two, kick-ball-change.
Note: G.I. Joe was later seen attempting a moonwalk in full combat boots. It was technically successful but caused a minor localized tremor.