DARRIN (Will Ferrell), standing under the perpetual, Samantha-induced twilight, is still beaming with self-congratulation over his “Sun Protocol.” He holds the now-empty coconut oil jar-turned-ice cream container. SAMANTHA (Nicole Kidman) is relaxing comfortably, secretly maintaining the magical dimming of the sun.
DARRIN
(Pacing excitedly)
See, Samantha? It wasn’t the natural process that was failing; it was the cultural process! We cracked the code! We harnessed nature! But this ozone hole… it’s still out there. A wound that needs systemic healing. And I know who the culprits are!
He jabs a finger dramatically towards the (now dimmer) sky.
DARRIN (CONT’D)
It wasn’t just industry! It was the Glam Rockers! The late 80s! The early 90s! All that glorious, towering, gravity-defying hair! Think of Bon Jovi! Think of Poison! Every concert was a literal, chemical assault on the stratosphere!
SAMANTHA
(Mildly)
Darling, I believe hairspray switched to non-CFC propellants decades ago.
DARRIN
(Shakes his head emphatically)
Too late! The damage was done! They locked their looks in place with enough Chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) to chew a hole in the sky the size of Tasmania! Those aerosol particulates are still up there, working their toxic chemistry! They traded ozone for attitude!
He paces back to Samantha, his face a mask of determined environmental fervor.
DARRIN (CONT’D)
But we can fix it! We can reverse the Bon Jovi Effect! Since my advertising firm is dead set against magic—and frankly, so am I—I’ve compiled a list of non-magical, science-based, and politically feasible ways to heal the ozone layer!
He pulls out a water-stained, handwritten list from his pocket.
🛠️ Darrin’s Ozone Repair Protocol (Non-Magical)
DARRIN
(Reading intensely)
Strict Global Compliance with the Montreal Protocol: We have to get every last country to stop cheating! No more black market CFC-11 and CFC-12 from questionable refrigerator factories! We need zero emissions, not just reductions!
Conversion to Natural Refrigerants: Phasing out Hydrofluorocarbons (HFCs), which are also massive greenhouse gases, and switching to natural alternatives like ammonia ($NH_3$) and carbon dioxide ($CO_2$). Clean refrigeration!
Stratospheric Aerosol Injection (SAI): (He whispers this one dramatically) This is controversial, but hear me out! Injecting reflective sulfur particulates or calcium carbonate into the stratosphere to mimic the cooling effect of large volcanoes! It could slow global warming, which gives the ozone time to heal naturally!
Tropospheric Pollution Control: Reducing pollutants closer to the ground, like Nitrous Oxide ($N_2O$), which eventually drifts up and breaks down ozone molecules. It’s an easy win: cleaner air down here, healthier ozone up there!
Climate Remediation via Sea Salt: A new, highly conceptual idea! Spraying sea salt particles into the marine boundary layer to create more clouds that block solar radiation! It’s like a giant, natural umbrella!
DARRIN (CONT’D)
We just need to sell the world on one of these ideas! Or better yet, all of them! I’m thinking of a campaign: “Trade Your Aqua Net for $N_2O$ Neutrality!”
SAMANTHA
(Smiling, genuinely impressed by his effort)
That’s… certainly ambitious, darling. But are you sure the world is ready for a massive sulfur injection?
DARRIN
(Puts the list away, beaming)
They will be, my love. Because the only thing stronger than glam-rock hairspray is a globally approved, environmentally conscious advertising campaign!
He doesn’t notice that his crumpled list instantly vanishes, replaced by a fresh, clean piece of paper containing only two words, written in Samantha’s elegant script: “DONE. Love, S.”
Logline: When a powerful new witch threatens to expose the magical world by disrupting mortal technology, Samantha and Darrin’s grown children, Tabitha and Adam, must team up with an unexpected new generation of witches and mortals to protect their family’s secret and prevent a global magical meltdown.
Synopsis:
Years after the original series, Tabitha Stephens (played by Nelly Furtado) has embraced her magical heritage, balancing a seemingly normal life as a successful art gallery owner in New York City with her secret witch identity. She’s a practical, elegant witch who uses her powers subtly, preferring to solve problems with a flick of her wrist rather than a flashy spell.
Her brother, Adam (played by Joe Jukic), on the other hand, has always been a bit more rebellious and less inclined to use his powers. He’s a charismatic but somewhat cynical tech entrepreneur, constantly trying to invent the next big thing, often with disastrous (and occasionally magical) results. He secretly harbors resentment towards the magical world, feeling it complicated his childhood.
Their parents, Samantha (played by Nicole Kidman) and Darrin Stephens (played by Will Ferrell), are enjoying a quieter, albeit still occasionally magical, retirement. Samantha is content, but Darrin, ever the adman, still occasionally finds himself in humorous predicaments when his past brushes with magic resurface.
The story kicks off when a series of bizarre technological malfunctions plague New York City. Self-driving cars go rogue, smart homes develop minds of their own, and the internet flickers in and out, causing widespread chaos. The source of these disruptions is a new, ambitious, and slightly unhinged young witch named Hecate (a powerful, modern antagonist who believes magic should dominate technology). Hecate, tired of the magical world hiding from mortals, plans to use her formidable powers to systematically dismantle human technology, forcing humanity to acknowledge and accept magic.
Tabitha, sensing a powerful magical presence, begins investigating. She quickly realizes this is more than just a rogue spell – it’s a direct threat to the Statute of Secrecy. She reluctantly seeks out Adam’s help, knowing his understanding of technology could be crucial. Their reunion is initially strained, with Adam blaming Tabitha for his own past magical misadventures.
As they delve deeper, they discover Hecate’s network of loyal, tech-savvy young witches who are actively working to amplify the tech disruptions. Tabitha and Adam, with their contrasting approaches, constantly clash but slowly start to rediscover their sibling bond.
Meanwhile, Samantha and Darrin, hearing whispers of the unrest, decide to get involved. Samantha, despite her desire for a peaceful retirement, feels the pull of responsibility. Darrin, initially resistant, gets accidentally swept into the chaos when his beloved smart-home system turns on him.
The climax involves a magical showdown in the heart of New York City, possibly at a major tech conference where Hecate plans her grand reveal. Tabitha and Adam must combine their unique skills – Tabitha’s refined magic and Adam’s tech savvy – to counter Hecate’s sophisticated spells. They also receive unexpected assistance from Samantha, who uses her classic powers, and even Darrin, whose accidental blunders somehow manage to disrupt Hecate’s plans in comedic ways.
The film culminates in a powerful moment where Tabitha and Adam, working together, create a counter-spell that stabilizes the technological infrastructure and, crucially, reinforces the veil between the magical and mortal worlds. Hecate is apprehended, perhaps not with punishment, but with a magical intervention that shows her the wisdom of discretion.
Themes:
Bridging Generations: The film explores the dynamic between traditional magic and modern technology, as well as the generational gap between Samantha and her children.
Sibling Rivalry and Reconciliation: Tabitha and Adam’s journey highlights the complexities of family relationships and finding common ground.
The Responsibility of Power: The film examines the ethical implications of using magic and the importance of protecting a secret world.
Acceptance and Belonging: Both for witches in a mortal world and for individuals trying to find their place.
The Enduring Power of Family: Ultimately, it’s the Stephens family unity that saves the day.
Potential for a Franchise: The film leaves open the possibility for future adventures, perhaps with new magical threats or the introduction of other magical families, ensuring that the charm and whimsy of Bewitched can continue for a new generation.
Here’s a dining scene where Joe is feasting on chocolate-covered crickets!
“These, my friends,” Joe declared, holding up a shimmering, dark morsel between his thumb and forefinger, “are a perfectly sane food to eat. In fact, one might even say they are a perfectly cromulent food, that embiggens us all!”
He popped the cricket into his mouth with a satisfying crunch, a faint dusting of cocoa clinging to his beard. He chewed thoughtfully, a look of genuine pleasure on his face.
That’s a fun and specific idea! If they ever made a Bewitched 2 movie starring Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell (reprising their roles as Isabel/Samantha and Jack/Darrin), here is a scene that incorporates the crickets and the song, using Samantha’s magic as the comedic catalyst.
🎬 Bewitched 2: The Cricket Catch
SCENE START
INT. DINNER PARTY – NIGHT
A sophisticated, modern dinner party is underway at the MORTONS’ house. SAMANTHA (Nicole Kidman), radiant and slightly tense, is trying to impress a group of highly eccentric, wealthy potential clients, led by the perpetually skeptical JOE JUKIC. DARRIN (Will Ferrell), sweating nervously in a suit, is attempting to give a pitch on their new advertising campaign.
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DARRIN (Sweating) …and that’s why our campaign, “The Power of Pure,” will take your artisanal cricket flour, Mr. Jukic, to the very pinnacle of the organic snack market!
JOE JUKIC (Smooth, condescending) “Pure,” you say, Morton? I have a feeling your presentation is anything but. I suspect your heart isn’t in my product. The only way to truly appreciate the exquisite texture and… pop… of a toasted cricket is to consume it with passion.
Joe Jukic dramatically produces a small, elegant tin.
JOE JUKIC (CONT’D) I brought a sample. We will do a taste test. A small one for each of us. Ninety-nine crickets. One for every little, buzzing lie I suspect you’re hiding.
Darrin’s eyes go wide with horror. Samantha looks ready to snap.
SAMANTHA Mr. Jukic, that’s hardly necessary—
DARRIN (To Samantha, low) Samantha, no magic. They’re watching. No magic.
SAMANTHA (Wider smile) Nonsense, darling. We’d be delighted! Ninety-nine crickets for true believers! But a simple crunch seems so… pedestrian.
Samantha’s eye begins to twitch ever so slightly, a tiny spark of glamour in her smile.
SAMANTHA (CONT’D) If we are to consume such an unusual number, we must celebrate the unusual. We must sing!
JOE JUKIC (Intrigued, scoffing) Sing what? The Cricket Anthem?
SAMANTHA (Her eyes sparkle) The only song suitable for exactly ninety-nine unusual things floating around!
Samantha gives a single, sharp nose twitch. Twing!
The crickets in the tin immediately multiply, pouring into a tall glass bowl. At the same time, the dinner party’s expensive, custom-made background jazz abruptly shifts into a loud, driving electronic beat.
NENA’s “99 LUFTBALLONS” BEGINS TO PLAY.
DARRIN (Mortified, whispering) Samantha! The crickets! The music!
SAMANTHA (Pulls Darrin to the bowl) Ready, darling? It’s time for the Power of Pure!
Samantha gracefully picks up a cricket and pops it into her mouth. She begins to sing the English version, in perfect, slightly-too-intense German accent.
SAMANTHA (CONT’D) (Sings) Neunundneunzig Luftballons!Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont!
DARRIN is forced to comply. He shovels a handful of crickets into his mouth, his face a mask of dry-heaving terror.
DARRIN (Sings, muffled, struggling) Neunundneunzig KriegsministerStreichholz und Benzinkanister
JOE JUKIC (Genuinely amused and slightly insane) This is inspired! Give me a handful, Mrs. Morton!
Joe Jukic grabs a massive scoop of crickets and joins in, his voice surprisingly deep and operatic.
JOE JUKIC (CONT’D) (Sings) Hielten sich für schlaue Leute…
Samantha, Darrin, and Joe Jukic stand side-by-side, forced into a bizarre, high-energy karaoke moment, chewing loudly and passionately while belting out the German New Wave classic, surrounded by horrified but mesmerized clients. Darrin is on the verge of tears, while Samantha is having the time of her life, proving that sometimes, the only way to avoid trouble is to create a bigger, weirder spectacle.
The sleek, almost sterile interior of the SkyTrain car hummed, a stark contrast to the drizzle outside and the cacophony of early morning Vancouver. G.I. Joe, all quiet competence in a dark, impeccably tailored suit that somehow still hinted at combat readiness, stood sentinel by the doors. His gaze was fixed forward, but his peripheral vision, finely honed over decades of protecting people from everything from paparazzi to actual projectiles, registered every twitch.
Across from him, in a quad of seats, the unlikeliest of travel companions were attempting a semblance of normal.
Gwyneth Paltrow, radiating an aura of crisp linen and expensive organic green juice, sat ramrod straight. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a severe, elegant ponytail. She clutched a minimalist, logo-free tote bag as if it contained ancient scrolls and her last shred of patience. Her eyes, however, kept darting to her left, where Corey Feldman was currently engaged in what could only be described as a one-man mime show involving an invisible skateboard.
Corey, wearing a slightly-too-shiny track suit and a baseball cap askew, was oblivious. He popped and locked in his seat, his hands tracing imaginary ollies and kickflips. He hummed a jaunty, off-key tune. “Woo! Almost landed that 720 McTwist, brah! Totally radical.”
Gwyneth’s jaw was so tight, Joe half-expected it to fracture. She let out a small, almost inaudible sigh, a whisper of a sound designed to convey extreme discomfort without actually complaining.
Joe’s voice, a low rumble, cut through the train’s hum and Corey’s phantom skateboarding. “Ms. Paltrow. Mr. Feldman. Next stop, Rupert.”
Corey immediately stopped, beaming. “Rupert! Awesome! You know, G.I., this ‘safety in numbers’ thing? Genius! I feel like we’re a real squad. Like the Goonies, but, like, older and with less treasure.” He winked at Gwyneth. “No offense, Gwen, but you’re definitely Brand. You know, sophisticated, classy. I’m more like Mouth.”
Gwyneth finally broke. Her voice, usually so smooth and modulated, had a razor’s edge. “Corey, darling, with all due respect to your… unique insights, could we perhaps… maintain a slightly lower profile? We are traveling to a studio. Anonymity is key for the creative process.”
Corey’s smile faltered only slightly. “Oh! Right. Anonymity. My bad. It’s just… I get so stoked about the craft, you know? The art.” He leaned in conspiratorially. “Joe here was just telling me about Madonna and the Moshiach. Wild stuff, right? He thinks she totally conjured him up, and now he’s probably living in one of these new medium-density units in East Van, just waiting for his big reveal.”
Gwyneth stared at Joe, then back at Corey, her expression a complex mixture of disbelief and utter exasperation. “G.I. Joe. Did you truly discuss the eschatological implications of Madonna’s Kabbalah practice with Mr. Feldman on this public conveyance?”
Joe met her gaze, his expression unreadable. “Ma’am. My job is to ensure the safety and reasonable psychological well-being of all parties under my protection. Mr. Feldman expressed an interest in recent spiritual history. I provided context. As for the Moshiach’s potential residency, that remains speculative, even with the new zoning. Though the units are, admittedly, quite well-appointed.”
Corey clapped his hands together. “See, Gwen? Joe gets it! He’s not just brawn, he’s brains! And he knows how to keep things chill. Way more chill than, like, a bodyguard who’d make us take separate Ubers.” He nudged her. “Come on, it’s actually kinda fun, right? We’re like a little family! A dysfunctional, super famous, SkyTrain-riding family!”
Gwyneth closed her eyes for a brief, pregnant moment. When she opened them, she took a slow, deliberate breath, as if inhaling the last remnants of her dwindling zen. The SkyTrain began to slow, the automated voice announcing, “Next stop: Rupert Station.”
“Right,” she said, her voice strained but regaining its composure. “A family. A SkyTrain family. Just… try not to perform any interpretive dance when we disembark, Corey. The other actors might get confused.”
Corey grinned. “No promises, Gwen! Art finds a way! And besides, the Moshiach might be watching!”
Joe merely adjusted his earpiece, a faint, almost imperceptible twitch at the corner of his lips. His work, clearly, was never done.
