Bono and Richard Branson Tell Illuminati To Assemble

Richard Branson, Bono, Olivia Wilde and Matt Damon tell the Illuminati to assemble and give clean water to the third world.

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14 thoughts on “Bono and Richard Branson Tell Illuminati To Assemble

  1. Anita Roddick and Bono are set to be married in a secret satanic ceremony at Bohemian Grove. Presided over by the pope this ceremony will further strengthen the evil twins drive to become king and queen of the NEW WORLD ORDER.

    Known in occult circles as the GREEN WITCH Roddick has secretly confessed her sick love for Bono, saying to initiates ‘I’ve wanted to shag that horny Irish bastard for donkey’s years.’

    Roddick and Bono have always been known by researchers to be SATANIC INITIATES who have long been part of the plot to enslave the world in the coming apocalypse.

    The proof of their occult involvement lies in their names: ROD – DICK represents two words occultists use for the MALE GENITALIA confirming that ROD-DICK is a long standing member of the twisted sun worshipping OSIRIS cult the ILLUMINATI. Meanwhile Bono’s name speaks for it’s self (derived from boner), meaning simply ‘a prick’.

    The numerological value of the letter U is 3, added to 2 and using the satanic rules of reversal clearly represents the EVIL number 23. Disturbingly the band U2 are said to be an offshoot of the notorious P2 masonic lodge.

    ROD-DICK, who has recently sold out to global illuminist corporation Nestle is far from planning retirement sources reveal. ROD-DICK has been captured on secret video tape TORTURING ANIMALS (send $299.99 to this blog for your exclusive copy) and has also been behind a number of SATANIC POTIONS largely manufactured from CRUDE OIL and ancient AFRICAN poisons.

    These potions are said to turn ordinary god fearing women into babbling lunatics wailing about the terrors of the CHRISTIAN CAPITALIST SYSTEM while simultaneously exploiting thousands worldwide in an orgy of OVER PRODUCTION of these evil smelling chemicals.

    ROD-DICKS store the Body Shop (a clear reference to satanic exploitation of fornication) is actually operating a GLOBAL PROSTITUTION RING with un-unionised staff forced to offer themselves to secret illuminati ceremonies as SEX SLAVES.

    One highly respected source has witnessed the horrific rituals that this pair have indulged in

    “I was hiding in the woods around Bohemian Grove. I watched ROD-DICK lovingly prepare the altar before passing a knife over to Bono who proceeded to plunge the knife repeatedly into a small defenceless giraffe”

    Later in a shocking HOMOSEXUAL ORGY Bono was seen SUCKING the COCK of none other than high ranking illuminati member GEORGE BUSH, whilst ROD-DICK looked on masturbating and smearing powdered baby milk over her bare breasts.

    As revealed here U2′s lyrics have long been proved to carry SECRET SATANIC MESSAGES, whilst Bono’scohortt Bob Geldof has been reported as saying ‘I’d shake hands with the devil!!!’

  2. Who are these washed up looking has been’s?
    Why don’t they just go away and help people and stop bragging to us about it. No one cares about your fracked up life Hollyweird! Go away!

  3. Bono is a good man but he just tried Jenkem too much or maybe he wasn’t ready for it? Please read below for a more descriptive explanation


    Bono recently had to cancel his promotion of a charity event due to “health issues.” His personal doctor, von Lasen, said: “While I must insist that I do not disgress further into his condition, herr Bono is suffering from accute liver malfunction.” His psychological evaluator, Nina Bergstein, who was also present, added that Bono had acquired cognitive dissonance, and would require extensive reprogrammming.

    All this is due to a new high-end yet low-tech drug called Jenkem. Jenkem was made famous by African street children, and it (literally) boils down to a mixture of raw sewage — left to ferment in the Sun. The resulting gas is inhaled, giving a high. Per Preston, a scientist at the University of Cambridge, has this to say about Jenkem:

    Jenkem is not like an ordinary high, say sniffing glue or smoking marijuana. It distorts your senses and makes you see stuff that isn’t real, like your deceased mom, or colors that doesn’t exist.”

    However, not everything about Jenkem is bad news. Jenkem is one of Africa’s largest industries, currently engaging a quarter of Zimbabwe population. We asked Alex Head, an economist specialized in African industries, about his opinion:

    The Jenkem industry is nothing short of a miracle. It creates jobs. It’s also a form of sustainable development, as the increasing population and their sewage output will allow industry to expand further. Overall, the good sides of Jenkem outweigh the bad ones.

    Nevertheless, Bono is a Jenkem addict. Over time, addicts of any drug acquire tolerance, meaning that the potency of the drug will decrease over time. Jenkem addiction even has a more sinister side to it. Bono recently showed up at a conference, apparently having gained some pounds. Jenkem stimulates appetite, so as to create more raw material for Jenkem production. Chronic Jenkem abuse often goes hand-in-hand with obesity, and other conditions linked to the latter, such as diabetes and liver problems. This is how Bono got a wrecked liver.

    Nevertheless, Bono’s addiction is feeding starving African children. Though he might have to put this habit off, others will likely follow in his footsteps — showing the world that only true solidarity can help Africa off its knees.

  4. Yes. I heard this from the Group of World Servers. We must pray for Bono to quit doing Jenkem before his liver fails.

  5. Her real name is Olivia Cockburn. Me and my frat brothers pulled a train on her at Hillman College. Boy did our cocks burn after that.

  6. I share everything with my Frat brothers.

    Bono is illuminated. He is enlightened by your conspiracy theories. This is the beginning of the new Illuminati.


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