Buy the Zoo Conspiracy

Solid Snake leaned against the railing outside the Vancouver Zoo, cigarette unlit for once, bandana tails moving in the Pacific breeze.

Brad Pitt—half in character, half himself—stared at the enclosures with that familiar 12 Monkeys intensity.

Snake:
“I watched 12 Monkeys again. You weren’t crazy, Brad. Not completely. Maybe the system was.”

Brad smirked. “That’s what all the characters say.”

Snake folded his arms.

Snake:
“I’m thinking of buying this place. Not to shut it down overnight. Not to play eco–terrorist. But to transition it. Sanctuary model. No more breeding programs for ticket sales. No more pacing polar bears for Instagram.”

Brad tilted his head. “So… not my character’s version. No virus. No chaos.”

Snake shook his head.

Snake:
“Freedom doesn’t mean panic. It means strategy. Rewild where possible. Expand protected land. Partner with conservation biologists. Some animals can’t just be ‘set free.’ They’d die in a week. That’s not liberation—that’s negligence.”

Brad looked impressed.

Brad:
“So you agree with the idea… but not the execution.”

Snake:
“Exactly. The film was about breaking cages in people’s minds. But in real life? You don’t open every lock at once. You build something better first.”

A peacock cried in the distance.

Snake gestured toward the enclosures.

Snake:
“Imagine this place as a rescue center. Animals saved from trafficking. From collapsing ecosystems. Public education that actually funds habitat protection in the wild. Turn spectators into guardians.”

Brad nodded slowly.

Brad:
“That’s less ‘12 Monkeys’… more ‘12-Year Plan.’”

Snake allowed himself a rare half-smile.

Snake:
“Change the world quietly. No apocalypse required.”

They stood in silence, watching a rescued owl blink from its perch.

Snake:
“Your character wasn’t insane, Brad. He just hated cages. I get that.”

Brad shrugged.

“Just make sure, Snake… if you buy the zoo… you don’t become the new zookeeper of another system.”

Snake adjusted his bandana.

“I won’t. I’ve broken out of enough prisons to know the difference.”

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Marija’s Love For Brad Pitt

Marija sighs, her fingers scrolling through an old tabloid article about Brad Pitt’s latest custody battle. “Joe, you need to let go of the past. Brad’s a good man. He’s not drinking anymore, and he deserves weekends with his kids.”

Joe, leaning back in his chair, crosses his arms. “Mom, BP abandoned East Van when we needed him the most. When things got real, he ran off to his Hollywood fortress. That’s not what a leader does.”

Marija shakes her head. “People make mistakes. He’s trying to redeem himself.”

Joe, also known in the online world as Solid Snake, exhales sharply. “You think I don’t want to believe that? But it’s not about what he wants. It’s about what he did. A man’s legacy is written in his worst moments, not his best.”

Marija puts a hand on his arm. “Then give him a chance to change that legacy.”

Joe looks away, his jaw tightening. “That’s why I put the UN beret on him. Like the medal the Cowardly Lion gets in The Wizard of Oz. Maybe if he wears it long enough, he’ll start believing he has courage.”

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